Journey towards love...

There were days where I never thought I would find love. Love as I thought it should be. My journey towards love was a struggle. My family life rarely provided the best examples and the prescence of my disability seemed to make me untouchable (litterally!) to the opposite sex in my teen years. Like alot of other people believe, guys I was into thought that people with disabilities were not capable of maintaining healthy relationships and/or having sex! This obviously is not true. At times, you may just need to communicate and get a little creative, depending on the individual! Personally, I think promoting creativity and communication in relationships is a good thing. If I was able to vocalize these thoughts back then maybe things would have been different, but like every other girl around me at the time, I to was just trying to be comfortable in my own skin. A part of me also figured it was better to be on my own than waste my time convincing guys I was worth being with. If they were smart enough, they would figure it out.

These experiences caused me to seek out love externally (through friends) or completely shut myself off to the experience all together. I was the best friend and the one people could always count on for realiable relationship advice. To some extent this baffled me because I personally had nothing to drawn upon. I learned what I wanted out of a relationship by observing the people around me.

I am now a month away from ackowledging 8 years of romantic love, so we must be doing something right! It still feels a little surreal after all this time. I do not want to sound cliche, but it is a love that was litterally an answer to my prayers-to whoever I thought was listening. I literally asked for a romantic love that would not harm me in the ways I had seen or felt, that was unconditional and that would accept me as I am and while I do not think things are perfect between us, (I don't expect that), all those things are there.

I feel society puts so much emphasis on romantic love. I have always been a believer in cherishing many forms of love. Afterall, there are people in my life who loved me before him and we were friends first. I have also learned that self love is the most important, but can be the most challenging. Its a process with ups and downs that is ongoing, but some degree of it neccessary if you want the other relationships in your life to be healthy and nurture you.

Self love is present in your refusal to accept nothing less than what you deserve.

However, I would be lying if I did not acknowledge the positives that have come out of this romantic love. I feel stronger, more confident and at peace. A part of me also takes comfort in the fact that we have litterally grown up together. No one else knows me better and I have nothing to hide. Every emotion has been experienced. I have been at my worst and best.

Take from that what you will. All of this is a process, that is ongoing and changes. For some the change leads to a love fades, for others it gets stronger. For me, love is multifaceted. I am slowly learning to love myself more regardless of my flaws and appreciate those who continue to love me despite my highs and lows. For additional reading, feel free to check out:

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness

Communicate, be open enough to try things a different way, to expand your definition of what it means to be sexual and in the end, cherish any form of positive love that comes your way!