A Release

I wrote this 2ish days ago and realized I did not transfer it.

I feel like I am so close to having everything I ever wanted in life with the exception of the one thing that seems to be putting a stop to everything else, so in a way I also feel like I have nothing. I am a gemini, so I have gotten used to having two strong feelings about what is occuring in my life. Hope and saddness equally fill my heart right now. I fought so hard for love in my life, the kind that some would die for and the kind that embraces you for who you are, the good, bad and the ugly. Now that I feel like I have found that in some people in life, I am coming to the sad conclusion that maybe love isn't enough. Not when I reqiure money and ultimately a place of my own to truly embrace these loves in the ways I really would like to.

My current evironment/circumstances are slowly sucking the passion out of me. I am a strong person, but this has really become too much for me. I have worked so hard not to crumble as a result of the stresses in my life, but I feel like I have little to show for that work. I know some would argue against that. Recently, I have felt lifeless in a living body. The continued presence of my physical being means little to me when my spirit/what is at the core of me feels drained...numb.

I am just tired of constantly fighting. Fighting against the ridiculous behaviours of some in my life. Fighting for every good thing that has come to me in life. Fighting not to give in and let go. Rest is needed.

I am holding onto a wavering faith that somehow I make it to the next chapter with my spirit intact and with these loves beside me. Waiting for the clouds to part, rainbow to appear and for the flame within me to grow strong again.